took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As shirtless as possible
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
