You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
