we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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