two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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