Where did you get a picture of my penis
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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