He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
