Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
