Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
