I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
