Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize