im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
