Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
