I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
