mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
