you win again, gameday.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
