i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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