I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize