We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
