He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I believe in your delicious
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
