u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
