I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
