So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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