Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
