I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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