Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
