we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
