Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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