last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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