ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
