just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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