Do you still have your period?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
