Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
