Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
