so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
