Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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