The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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