mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize