Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
