"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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