mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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