What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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