That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
