Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
