She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
