when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize