Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
