the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
