You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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