tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
