Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize