"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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