one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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