He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want to make out with him forever
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
