ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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