THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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