I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
