Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
