I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
