You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
