she smelled like a LAN party
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
