nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
