I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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