So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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