So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
