I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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