I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
