i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize