Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize