Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
