Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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