As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
