Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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