Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize