i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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