her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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