Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
do nipples grow back?
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