??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
