hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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