Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
