To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
