So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
