im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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