the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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