I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
