sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
