I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
