I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
