I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
