apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
