Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
