Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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