Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
