Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
