Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i dont even know how to be here
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
