Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
