So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
