He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
