(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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