Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
