Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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