Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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