Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize